I lived in the Kootenays for three years during Chinese medicine school. The seasons in the little mountian town I studied in were so vibrant. The dark shades of the evergreens carved fine lines against the backdrop of white in winter. Clusters of red berries were like splotches of bright blood.

I lived at the top of a HUGE hill and would often walk down to my classes along the main street of the tiny downtown area. That period was the hardest in my life so far, but my heart still aches when certain memories come to mind, like those walks.

The walk took nearly a half an hour. And yes, I always fantasized about sledding down to class. Sometimes I would listen to an enriching talks or an audiobook in my headphones on the way. I had recently come across Tara Brach’s work with “radical compassion.” I loved the way these two words clashed against each other. Even the way they sound in my mouth — “rad-ic-al”… so… direct, almost garish. And “com-pass-ion”… soft, rounded, yielding.

I distinctly remember where I was on my walk when Tara started talking about how she “wanted to be her own best friend.” I dismissed the idea at first as a cliché, or perhaps just too… obvious. Then I softened. I let it in. This was the first time I really opened up to the idea of becoming my own best friend.

Something I’ve never forgotten is a video that Zoey Greco (a magical intuitive living in Arizona – I consult her every year or so when I’m really stuck) shared on her instagram account where she’s showing off her outfit in the mirror and complimenting herself profusely, saying “How dare you.” In that video she explains that the reasons she talks to herself in this way is because she always talked to her friends & loved ones in this way. So why not to herself?

Why do we withhold love & appreciation toward ourselves?

Why is it so easy to give grace or appreciate & celebrate someone else, but SO hard to direct that loving energy toward ourselves? Do we believe we don’t deserve it?

Or do we believe that if we’re not on our own ass all the time that we’ll drop the ball?

Our inner narrative & commentary can be scathing. And has it ever done us any good, really?

I personally have found that I grow the most when people give me space to, rather then when I’m judged for where I’m currently at.

Becoming my own best friend has been a practice of mine for years now, though I never think of it in those terms. Here are some of my favorite practices (:

• I put my hand on my heart when I’m feeling a lot. It acknowledges the depth of my emotions and their physical expression in my body, rather than bulldozing past them with my mind. It’s also a way to comfort myself with touch.

• Using loving words when talking to myself. When I’m working through something hard, I’ll call myself “honey” or something affectionate, like a loved one would. “It’s okay honey. You can feel what you’re feeling.” This is a practice of self-mothering or self-nurturing.

• Noticing judgmental thoughts & immediately changing them to something more supportive. Instead of “goddamnit, you said you would post to your blog every Sunday and yesterday was Sunday!” I can instead say “It’s okay, you were in a different city and had a lot on your mind… you can publish a post today, no harm done.”

• Leaving loving notes to myself. This doesn’t have to be as depressing as the “You are enough” mugs. When I was studying for my most difficult board exam, whenever I would log onto my 40+ page & counting Google doc study outline, I would type a lil note to myself to acknowledge that I showed up for the hundredth time and remind myself that this’ll all be worth it.

• Texting myself. I do this a couple times a year when I’m having a really hard time and feel like I’m not standing on anything. There was one time in my life (earlier this year) that a lot was happening at once and I was sending myself one text every day for about a week. It was a wild time, and I felt supported by the messages.

I would love to hear if you have any loving practices you’re willing to share