Buddhism versus a goal-oriented life

Acceptance & Striving: Can’t we have both?

I’m now 31 and I’m on a journey toward building the type of life I want. I realized very clearly this year that I am the only one who can take responsibility for my life.

If I want to do something or be something, no one is going to do it for me, or even show me the way. So I’m presently in a mode of being that is very goal-oriented. I purposefully moved up north into my own place in order to focus on creating my business and pursuing my goals.

With almost no distractions, I’m showing up for my habits and working actively toward what I want on a daily basis. It takes discipline & commitment (e.g. I already wrote an entire longform post today and didn’t feel like writing another one, but I post to my blog every Sunday so a deal’s a deal). I’m building & practicing & learning & showing up each day even though I won’t see the fruits of my labor for a long while.

Almost all photos on Canva with the keyword “zen buddhism” are zen gardens. This reminds me of that time I bought a bag of sand and made a Zen garden by pouring the sand into the back of an small empty picture frame and my sister asked if it was an ash tray. Fair question

Buddhism was an essential part of my life from ages ~18-22. I chose it as the topic of my first ever college research paper, attended a Buddhist sangha every Wednesday evening through college, hosted (& chartered) a meditation group at my university that met twice a week, spent a lot of time reading Buddhist literature, and even got to take university courses about it (e.g. Buddhist Metaphysics!!!). During that time, Ken McLeod (author of Wake Up to Your Life, perhaps the most marked-up book I owned at the time) came & gave a talk to our humble sangha on the second floor of a church in upstate NY. I was very lucky to have a brilliant Buddhist professor and that special community while in college.

I honestly have never put these facts together until right now (even in my mind) as I’m writing some background for this post. But suffice to say, whether it’s conscious or not, Buddhist philosophy is part of my worldview.

At a certain point, Buddhism started to feel too… gentle… too moderate, for me. I turned to other interests. Last month, nearly 10 years later, I felt compelled to revisit Chan Buddhism. And I’m finding it at odds with the goal-oriented phase of life I’m presently in.

I pick up this thin red book about Bodhidharma’s teachings, and it tells me “If you attain anything at all, it’s conditional, it’s karmic. It results in retribution. It turns the Wheel” and “To seek is to suffer.” My north node is in Sagittarius… I will always be seeking. And I’m proud of what I’ve worked hard to attain! Last month I passed the biggest exam of my life, which I genuinely didn’t believe I could pass and which felt like a giant mountain keeping me from the rest of my life. I think I’ve spent more hours studying Chinese herbs than anything else (hundreds & hundreds of hours), and not by choice. I had to in order to get through my program and pass the licensing exams. Would Bodhidharma have told me “You’re better off doing nothing” (literally a quote from this book)?

So how can I hold both of these values at once… on one hand: non-action, stillness, surrender, detachment… and on the other: determination, discipline, striving?

I posted this is a note when I was about midway through this book and it’s led to some engaging conversations with friends who came across it.

An unknown (to me) person named Isiah commented:

I feel like my mind was liberated! I don’t have to “reconcile” or choose one. I’ve been thinking so much about this ratio idea. I do think both value systems are necessary — I want to spend hours “striving” to pass this exam so I can help people as a practitioner, and if I cultivate a “beginner’s mind” (a Zen Buddhist concept) would help every client I ever see. And I know the world isn’t black & white, and I don’t need to “choose” one or the other. Just reflecting on it all.

Talking on the phone with my friend Maddy the other day, she asked me, “Okay, so how do you actually implement that? What does it look like in practical terms?”

I’m actively working on this one. Would love to hear any of your thoughts (: